Birthday Party Bailout - How to Break the Cycle of Competitive Party Planning
By Sabrina Hill
Competition may be good for business, but it’s bad for birthday parties. A simple kid’s birthday party, which used to take place in a backyard, has now morphed into a planning extravaganza, with rented vehicles, rented space and rented jungles. This simple event now needs a military strategist, a therapist and a twelve step program for the party giver who has, herself, morphed from calm and competent into crazed and crabby.
Competitive party planning must be zapped. But you have to understand where it comes from in order to put a halt to its underhanded activities and influence.
Chelcie Hill’s fifth birthday is a prime example of competitive birthday party planning. After two years of pre-school, and attendance at twenty-something birthday parties, Chelcie’s mom, Sabrina, had certain expectations for her own daughter’s milestone event. She would not, she could not disappoint.
The guest list included thirty kindergarteners and their mothers. The invitations were miniature white pumpkins adorned with a paper leaf and stamped with a hand-carved linoleum block. The crafty invitations paved the way for mothers to arrive pre-impressed.
But Sabrina didn’t stop while she was ahead. A fifteen-inch pumpkin, carved in bas-relief in the likeness of Chelcie greeted guests at the door. A homemade, three-tiered cake was artfully iced with buttercream pumpkin vines and crowned with a witch on a broomstick. The cake rested on a hand-stenciled tablecloth.
Chelcie was the birthday girl, but let’s face it, the party was about Sabrina. Chelcie’s birthday was certainly a fine reason to make a party, but the event held deeper meaning for Sabrina. It would be an opportunity to be acknowledged and validated, and she wasn’t going to waste it with store bought anything. The creative mother and artist would be revealed. She believed that the event would confirm her twin talents to the immediate world.
What she believed was Hooey, and what she needed was a reality check. Luckily, Sabrina already knew “someone” with a little more objectivity about this event. (It should be noted that Joni did quite a bit of tongue-biting during this time, in an effort not to be an “I-told-you-so” best friend.) Reflecting on the party during their morning latte, Joni gently pointed out the flaws in Sabrina’s thinking, as only a best friend can do.
Obviously, no five-year-old needs thirty kids and their mothers to celebrate a birthday. The hours spent pumpkin carving, invitation printing, cake decorating and stenciling left Sabrina with no time to mother her family (which was what she was trying to prove she was so very good at). Since five year olds will paint with their fingers and eat glue, Joni also pointed out their lack of credibility as art or food critics.
And what of the astonished, impressed, intrigued mothers who spent the afternoon at the Hill home? Well, they left either indifferent or intimidated; Sabrina was too exhausted to care.
At their post-op examination of the party, they decided that the failure of the party was that it had become too complicated and all for a silly, selfish reason, the ego of a mom who should have known better. A child’s birthday party should be about the child, period. A few friends, a simple activity, a cupcake and a goodie bag make up the simple recipe for success.
Time for a reality check.
In the same way that having a baby cannot repair a splintering marriage, events cannot create a reality that does not exist. A corporate sales event will not increase sales if the product is faulty to begin with. You have to get real about what you are creating, why you are creating it, and whether or not the event can actually deliver it.
Any mom who claims to expect nothing from the birthday party she plans isn’t being honest. And you are setting up false party expectations for your child, too. Once you get real about what you’re expecting from your child’s birthday party or any occasions you plan, then the need to compete will disappear. You’ll be liberated to focus your energies on what will make the event feel good to all the participants-including you.
Parties do have their limitations. If they could deliver even the most far-fetched expectations some contain, the Hot Fudge Sundae diet would cause rapid, healthy weight loss while improving your health, children would pass the bar exam before taking their driving test and peace would spread from country to country across continents and oceans like a heavenly pandemic.
Alas, none of this happens, or is likely to. Mark Twain said it best, “We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it, and stop there.” www.everydayeventplanner.com/
Sabrina Hill and Joni Russell are authors of The Everything Baby Shower Book, 2E and partners in Everyday Event Planner, an online invitation business and party resource center and Stratagem Events, a successful full service event planning business based in Silicon Valley.
In addition to running our event planning business, we are mothers and wives, both happily married with three children each. With over two hundred birthday parties and nearly as many weddings on our resume, we figure we have baked, frosted, ordered or eaten 10,000 cupcakes. We live two miles apart in Los Gatos, California.
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